I can think of plenty of things I want to do before I die. But the main thing, the thing that encompasses everything, is that I want to mystify people. I want to leave people breathless, and all the while I want to be the thing they talk about the most.

And I think now is the time that I have to be by myself. It's been proven to me that a relationship is not what I need right now. Either more is expected of me that I am not ready to submit to, or I'm expecting essentials from someone who just can't make that happen. Or both. Like, Eric wanted kids. I wanted to have a conversation on the phone longer than 5 minutes. That obviously didn't work. Neither one of us wanted to compromise with the other. Dewayne wanted to get out, and so did I. So do I. But his going about it was all wrong. He wanted to get out, but at my expense. And it took me a long time, 3 phone bills, a ps3, and half a wardrobe later to realize that. I'm mad it didn't work out, all that money was definitely a set back, but it was all material things. Yes I was burned, but I call it a lesson learned. And then, there was that 3day thing with her. I'm pretty sure it was due to the excessive amounts of alcohol that made our relationship manifest, so for that I can't be angry, but it just reverts back to the idea that I need to be by myself. In that respect, definitely.

Also, in the respect of family. It's hard to get your family to support what you do. If you've got the support of them, run with it. Rejoice in it. Not everyone is that fortunate, and I'm beginning to see that I do not have as much support as I thought I did. So I've got to do things for me. If they like it, cool, if not....I'm going to have to learn to be cool with that. It really sucks. I can't even wrap my brain around that, the idea of my family not being 100% supportive of me. But such is life...?

At least I have good friends. Great friends. Friends that call me out when I'm wrong. Friends who know my best and wish to see it in me. So I pray I can maintain those relationships. It hasnt been so hard with the gap in geography, so hopefully I can keep it up....