r.b.

So...
I knew from the moment he started spewing his heart out that I didn't want the same thing. He began by talking about how I was the first person he wanted to talk to in the morning and the last thing he thought about at night.
Most people would think that girls are the more fragile counterpart in a relationship, and in most cases, that would be correct. I should've been smitten by the words that he said, completely swoon over the fact that someone finally loves me enough to make me their one and only. But I wasn't. Not in the least bit.
I did a lot of lying. I told him that all I needed was time, when I knew that even with all the time in the world my feelings weren't going to change. I told him I was down for having a whole bunch of little Bankses running around when I made up my mind a long time ago that I never wanted a lot of kids. I told him that I could love him. Damn.
Now I dont have a problem with saying what's on my mind when a person is standing in front of my face. But in the matters of heart, it's different. So, to make a long story short, while we were there partying, I acted one way but knew my heart felt differently. I just couldn't muster the confidence to tell him while he was in front of my face. He was so happy. I doubt I've ever made anyone that happy.
He wanted me to save him. He never came right out and said so, it was a subliminal thing. He gave me the hints of his past that let me know he needed love as a cure. I'm no Doctor Quinn nor Superman.
He asked me what my problem was. I wanted to tell him that I wasnt the one with the problem, it was him, expecting so much within such a small amount of time. But I told him the same thing that I had said before, I just needed time. Time I felt like he wasnt allowing. He asked me if there was someone else. Well, I'm not going to lie. Technically, there wasnt. But nor was he the only one. I could detect the sound of tears.
Text messages are like chicken-shit voicemails. If you have something you want to tell someone, something critical, and you leave a text message, you should re-evaluate whatever it is you're standing for there. His text:
'Look ur not ready for someone like me so im going to walk away from this im not trying to wait on someone who doesn't know waht they want u can have yo tags bac'
& I laughed upon reading it.
Cold-hearted? No. He never wanted me.
He thought he did. He didnt.
When you care for someone as much as he supposedly cared for me, if you LOVE someone, you first of all, dont rush into everything. You let them go with the option of coming back once they've realized the greatness that you can offer. And you dont send text messages.